I don’t get cozies. Why do you need a coffee cup cozy? Why do people keep pinning them on Pinterest? Have you ever seen anyone pull out a handmade cup cozy at Starbucks? I have to admit I don’t go to coffee shops much, so if you actually use a cup cozy please, let me know, this is a total mystery to me!
Ok, so to continue my rant, I’ve collected some of my favorite most ridiculous cozies. I’ve also organized them into categories, for your reading pleasure.
Ammo Cozy I don’t think I need to tell you why this is on the list.
Pumpkin Cozy, I guess so that you don’t have to go through the trouble of carving the pumpkin? Though I think that would be faster than knitting this pumpkin cozy.
Saucepan Cozy This one really mystifies me because it would actually stop you from using the intended object. You can’t cook food in a pot that has a giant crochet doily in it. What is this for?!
Earbud Covers Again, what are these for? I really don’t think I could fit headphones that were covered with yarn into my ears, so what purpose do these serve? Maybe they are for people with really big ears?
Useless gifts for people you don’t like
Lip Balm Holder This is the perfect gift for that person you don’t really like, but are forced to exchange gifts with. Spend 15 minutes crocheting this lip balm holder with scrap yarn and buy some lip balm at the dollar store and bam! you have the perfect gift for your sister-in-law, mother-in-law, co-worker, and so many more!
Hairbrush Cozy Did the lip balm cozy seem too practical? Really confuse your gift recipient by giving them a hand crocheted brush cozy. Brush is not included.
Useless but cute
Alarm Clock Frog Costume, completely useless, but at least it’s cute!
Camera Case This pattern has two things going for it, fun bright colors and an adorable little girl. Useful? Not so much, but if it were it wouldn’t be on this list!
Ottoman Cover Do you have an ugly ottoman you would like to make truly atrocious? This is the pattern for you!
Fun Fur Steering Wheel Cover If you have an expensive car and live in a sketchy neighborhood you can make your car look trashy and deter people from breaking into your car by buying some fun fur and knitting yourself this hideous steering wheel cover. If you enjoy humiliation you might also want to make yourself the matching dice.
Can’t get enough of these ridiculous cozies? You’re in luck! I’ve made a Pinterest board with all of my favorite ridiculous cozies.